Two Self-Care Lessons from the Garden
July 17, 2024
Grady Johnson
On any given summer evening, from the cool air of May to the sweltering August sun, you will probably find me out in the garden. Whether tending to the plants, observing wildlife, or waging everlasting war on field bindweed, the garden is a place where I feel right at home. It’s a place that cares for me just as much as I care for it. Interacting with the natural world provides experience and metaphor that is consistently enriching for me, so I got to wondering with July being self-care month here at Brighter Sky, what can we learn about self-care from the garden?
Care Happens in Community
The garden is a reciprocal, interconnected environment of mutual care. Hungry sweat bees drink nectar from a towering sunflower and, in-turn, provide pollination that enables the sunflower to reproduce; tightly-packed groups of prairie grass and flowers support each other in unrelenting wind; marigolds repel hornworms from tomatoes. There are no lone ranger plants and human beings thrive on mutuality too!
Neuroscientist Dan Siegel contends that any realistic view of the self involves both independence and interconnectedness. How much am I ME and how much am I a part of WE? In his book, Brainstorm, he reminds us that holding both of those parts of ourselves leads to more purpose, happiness, and peace. As an act of care to both the independent and interconnected parts of you, make a mental or physical list of the relationships in your life and how they are balanced between give and take. Likely, none of them will be perfectly even, but pay close attention to those that are heavily weighted to one side. Are there ways to pull back your energy from places that only demand? Where can you give back to the places and people who nurture you?
Right Place, Right Plant
In my vegetable garden, I put extensive energy into making sure the inputs are right—I want to create rich soil, provide enough water, and install any support needed to produce a good harvest. In my native plant garden, however, it’s more about finding the right fit for each plant. My native white sage thrives without any help in the sandy, dry soil in the far back of my yard but gets far too much water for deep root growth and promptly flops over in the wet clay closer to the front. There is a right habitat for each plant where its unique needs are met, sometimes you need to search to find where that is.
Researchers and therapists who subscribe to systems theory believe that the environment a person is shaped in affects how we act much more than we realize. For example, we speak our native language because that’s how people around us speak, not because we choose it. In fact, if we did otherwise, life would get a lot more difficult! With our self-care, it can be shaped by how our community values individuality versus connectedness or whether thinking of ourselves positively is seen as healthy self-esteem or getting “too big for your britches”. In some environments, like my veggie garden, we can change this. When we don’t have the power to change this, maybe we need to find a better spot! If you’re experiencing stress, it’s good to ask yourself, “can I take steps to care for myself in the place that I’m at now?” If the answer is yes, invest time and energy into those actions (sleep, nutrition, meditation, spiritual disciplines, etc.) you know nurture you. If the answer is no, consider what kind of environment could allow that for you, and see if those are realistic changes to make.
The wisdom available from the natural world is astounding! So, learn self-care from the plants, soil, minerals, and creatures that inhabit our gardens. Take time to build and nurture healthy community that strengthens your interconnected self. Examine what you can do to affect your environment or move as an act of self-cultivation. You are important both as just you and the part you play in us. That deserves love and care. Let your time and energy reflect that this summer.
Brighter Sky Counseling