Just Around the Riverbend: Embracing Change and New Beginnings

Grady Johnson, LMFT

“What I love most about rivers is / You can't step in the same river twice / The water's always changing, always flowing”. In the opening lines of “Just Around the Riverbend” from the 1995 hit Disney movie, the eponymous Pocahontas sings excitedly about the promise of change and new opportunities. These lines echo the philosophy of ancient Greek philosopher, Heraclitus, who famously stated “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it is not the same river and he is not the same man”. On this, Heraclitus and Pocahontas both agree: change is an inevitable part of life. The only problem? Most of us HATE it! We work hard to keep things the way they are and revolt when changes happens to us. The first big snowstorm of the year? No, thank you! One hundred degrees and sunny? Give me the cold again! This comes with a cost, however, as resistance to change often exhausts us as we swim upstream in the river of life. This doesn’t mean we have to ignore that transition is hard. Acknowledging the stress of change while embracing flexibility is key to turning unexpected changes into promising new beginnings. What if we learned to embrace change and the new beginnings it offers? What if we, too, could get excited for what is “just around the riverbend”?

So, why is change so stressful for us when it is a normal part of life? The human brain is a pattern recognition machine and sameness and routine are low maintenance. When we get up at the same time, drive the same route to work, and listen to the same music, our brain receives and sends safety signals—I’ve been through this pattern and I’ve survived it. Anyone who has ever raised a child knows how important it is to have predictable sleep and mealtimes. Routines are soothing to our nervous systems and when they get disrupted, we can spiral—I didn’t expect this! What if it’s dangerous? Your brain and body have lots of reasons to motivate you to stabilize your life—Keep us safe!

But in a world of change, safety isn’t the only human need. Pocahontas reminds us again “...people, I guess, can't live like that / We all must pay a price / To be safe, we lose our chance of ever knowing / What's around the riverbend”. When we lean too much into safety, we lose the opportunity to discover, grow, and transform. Systems theory, thinking on how parts make up a larger whole, demonstrates through ecosystems, ideas, and human families, that a rigid system is a stagnant and dying system. This is why fire brings Superblooms in the prairie and why during key developmental periods like adolescence, humans are motivated towards novelty and adventure. While it can get them into trouble, what a shame it would be if teenagers didn’t embrace new ideas, hobbies, and friendships. How would they ever mature? This remains true throughout life, but we don’t always have the neurological boost that teenagers do (which...is probably a good thing too).

Fortunately, there are a few ways we can turn the stress of disruption into positive transformation. We’ll use the universal example of aging to apply. First, actively practice acceptance of what is, not what you’d like it to be. Drawing from eastern religious tradition, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) teaches “Radical Acceptance”, training your mind to accept reality as it is. We don’t have to like it, but accepting what is frees us from the exhaustion

of denying and fighting reality. Each year we get older. There is no changing that! Time marches on and it takes energy to ignore that fact. Second, take time to grieve the loss of past life stages. Our nervous systems need acknowledgement and time to digest the sadness of loss in its various forms. It is discouraging to not have the energy or free time you did when you were 20 years old! You can allow yourself to be sad about that. Taking time to grieve does not keep us stuck, it frees us to move forward. Finally, intentionally move yourself towards the opportunities this new stage will bring. With new circumstances, there is a chance for growth that was not there before! Embrace the wisdom that comes with aging! Take up new active habits so that you can care for your body rather than disliking that it might hurt more or look different than it used to. Using acceptance, grieving, and finding new beginnings allows for change to be seen and welcomed rather than dreaded and fought.

While we may never convince ourselves to love it, change can be embraced for its good qualities (along with the scary parts) as we foster flexibility and the look for new beginnings. Along with being a noted river enthusiast, Heraclitus believed that the key to understanding the world was in seeing apparent opposites as complements that coexist in contradictory ways. Frozen, fluffy water is great for downhill skiers, while jet skiers prefer its liquid form. Our relationship with change is one of those coexisting contradictions. We do need the safety of stability to recover and live a predictable life, but leaning into safety too much robs us of the transformation within change. Change is scary and reassuring; promising and dreadful. The good news? You’re built to handle it all and come around the bend with unexpected and welcome progress.