Couples counseling: Gaining insight and understanding into what it is and what it isn’t.
Kendra Herlyn, LCPC
August, 2024
Ever felt like you and your partner are on different roads, going in different directions while you are having a conversation? Explore ways to get on the same map and navigate through “detours” and “construction zones” with the help of couples counseling.
Imagine your relationship as a journey with many twists and turns. Couples counseling is like having a map and a guide to help you navigate the route together. The therapist helps you chart a course, find the best paths to take, and avoid potential roadblocks, ensuring that you both stay on the right track towards a fulfilling relationship.
Couples counseling is a type of therapy that aims to help romantic partners address relationship conflicts, improve communication, and increase affection and empathy for one another. Couples' counseling is not just for couples experiencing difficulties, couples use it proactively to increase communication and understanding.
There are common myths about couples counseling and I want to break those myths down.
Myth #1-People only go to couples therapy as a last resort.
Truth: Couples seek therapy at various stages in the relationship. Many go for premarital counseling, which research shows can result in a 30 percent increased chance at marriage success.
Myth #2- The Therapist will take sides.
Truth: This is not true. A good couples therapist will remain neutral and help the two of you resolve your differences. There are times where there will be reality checks and a need to create realistic expectations. There will also be times where one partner may need a bit more focus within the session than the other. However, at the end of each session, each of you should feel your point of view was heard and understood and that the work completed was for the improvement of the relationship.
Myth #3 Change is impossible
Truth: Dr. Gottman says that couples do not need to overhaul their entire relationship or change their personalities. He speaks to small changes over time can make huge differences. Dr. Gottman uses the example of aiming a rocket toward the moon, being off a couple degrees can result in missing the moon by a wide margin. Just as a small correction in the path of the rocket can result in hitting the target, so small changes in the direction of the relationship can bring large rewards.
Myth #4-It takes forever
Truth: Depending on your situation, the process will vary. That said, couples often see changes after a few sessions. The act of committing together has much intrinsic value.
Myth #5-Couples therapy will eventually solve your problems.
Truth: The divorce rate regularly hovers around 50 percent and is higher for second marriages. There are no panaceas but there are proven options to help.
The benefits of couples counseling is immense, I wanted to explore some of these benefits and make them known. Couples counseling is a proactive way to enhance the quality of a relationship, address issues constructively, and foster a stronger, more resilient partnership.
- Improved Communication: Couples counseling helps partners learn effective communication strategies, leading to clearer, more empathetic exchanges and reducing misunderstandings.
- Conflict Resolution: It provides tools and techniques for resolving disagreements in a constructive manner, fostering healthier arguments and finding mutually acceptable solutions.
- Deeper Understanding: Therapy encourages partners to explore and understand each other’s perspectives, needs, and emotions, which can deepen their connection and empathy.
- Strengthened Relationship Skills: Couples gain skills in areas like active listening, emotional regulation, and expressing needs, which contribute to a more resilient and satisfying relationship.
- Enhanced Intimacy: Counseling often helps partners reconnect emotionally and physically, rekindling romance and intimacy that might have waned over time.
- Increased Relationship Satisfaction: By addressing underlying issues and working through challenges, couples often experience higher overall satisfaction and a stronger bond.
- Personal Growth: Counseling can promote individual growth, as partners learn more about themselves and their relationship patterns, leading to personal development and healthier interactions.
- Preventative Measures: It can help identify and address potential problems before they escalate, providing strategies to maintain a strong, healthy relationship.
- Support During Transitions: Couples facing major life changes (such as moving, career shifts, or parenting) can benefit from counseling to navigate these transitions together more smoothly.
- Restored Trust: For couples dealing with betrayal or trust issues, counseling provides a structured environment to work through these challenges and rebuild trust.
In conclusion couples therapy is important and powerful, it can help increase communication within the relationship helping everyone feel heard and valued within the relationship. Couple therapy is like a check-up with a primary doctor, check-in to see where you are in your relationship and know how to adjust to get back on the same route.