You Are Not Broken. The Problem Is the Way We Do Resolutions
Erin Bratsky, MSW, LCPC
January has a way of making people feel like they are already behind. The calendar flips, expectations rise, and suddenly there is pressure to fix habits, improve mood, be more productive, and somehow feel hopeful while still exhausted. We hear versions of this in sessions every January, often said quietly and with a lot of frustration underneath. If the new year is starting and you already feel overwhelmed, unmotivated, or discouraged, there is nothing wrong with you.
You are not broken. The problem is the way we do resolutions.
Why New Year Resolutions So Often Fail
Most resolutions are built on motivation and willpower. Those are unreliable resources, especially when someone is already tired, stressed, or emotionally worn down. Many people start the year telling themselves they just need to “try harder,” even though they have been trying for a long time already.
Resolutions also tend to ignore mental health entirely. They assume people can simply decide to change without considering capacity, support, or nervous system health. When change starts from shame or self criticism, it rarely lasts. What we see instead is burnout, avoidance, or a sense of failure before the year has really begun.
Why January Can Feel Especially Hard on Mental Health
January is often treated like a fresh start, but for many people it feels anything but fresh. The holidays can leave emotional and physical fatigue behind. Routines shift. Finances may feel tighter. The weather is colder and darker. There is less built in connection and more pressure to be productive.
It is common to see an increase in anxiety, low mood, irritability, and a sense of disconnection this time of year. People often worry this means they are going backward. More often, it simply means their system is tired.
The Hidden Harm of “Fix Yourself” Goals
Goals that are framed around fixing flaws often create more stress than growth. Perfectionism shows up as all or nothing thinking. If you miss a day, the goal feels ruined. If progress is slow, self criticism takes over.
We often hear people say, “I was doing fine until I fell off,” as if falling off is a personal failure instead of a normal part of being human. This cycle can increase anxiety and reinforce the belief that change is only possible if you push harder.
What Works Better Than Resolutions
Sustainable change usually looks quieter than traditional resolutions. It starts with understanding what your life can realistically hold right now, not what you think it should look like.
Instead of asking, “What should I be doing better,” it can be more helpful to ask, “What would make this season feel a little easier.” Sometimes that answer is not a new habit. Sometimes it is less pressure.
Helpful shifts include focusing on regulation before motivation, choosing habits that support energy rather than productivity, and building consistency instead of intensity. The changes that reduce stress are often the ones that last.
A More Sustainable Way to Set Mental Health Goals
Mental health goals work best when they are flexible, compassionate, and responsive to real life. They do not require a complete overhaul.
That might look like noticing what already feels hard and identifying one small support. It might mean allowing goals to change with the seasons rather than expecting the same output year round. Progress can be measured by relief, steadiness, or improved coping, not just checklists and outcomes.
Goals do not need to be impressive to be meaningful. They need to be doable on your hardest days, not just your best ones.
How Therapy Can Support Real Change
Therapy is not about pushing people to do more. It is about creating space to understand patterns, reduce shame, and build change at a pace that feels sustainable.
In therapy, goals can be explored without pressure. Setbacks can be talked about without needing to justify them. Many people are relieved to find they do not need to convince anyone they are “trying hard enough.”
For many, therapy provides the support and flexibility that resolutions are missing.
If This Year Already Feels Heavy
If you are starting this year tired, uncertain, or discouraged, you are not failing. You are responding to your environment, your history, and your current capacity.
You do not need a resolution to deserve support. You do not need to feel motivated to begin taking care of your mental health. Change does not have to be dramatic to be meaningful.
At Brighter Sky Counseling, we believe growth happens when people are met with understanding, not pressure. If this year already feels heavy, you do not have to carry it alone.